My hand turned me down
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Drunk is a universal language darling
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