Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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