Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
