Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
