I wish I could punch you in the face.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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