Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize