Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
