Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
