so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
