Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
