Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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