My friends, they love my intelligence
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
