She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
