wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
