So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
