when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
