Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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