If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize