things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize