Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
