I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
