..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
