he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
