Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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