I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
