Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
