it hurts more in the daytime
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
