I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
