Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We talked him into tasing himself.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
