Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
