it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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