Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
even my farts smell like vagina
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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