I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
