The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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