dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is the high leading the old right now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My life is pants optional.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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