I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize