tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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