I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
