you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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