and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
