he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize