R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
