Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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