Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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