He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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