I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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