Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
