There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
