cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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