I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
