after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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