so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
