I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
