My hand turned me down
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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