He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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