We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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