i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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