Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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