Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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