Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
