Just fell off a train. Bad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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