dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
