PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize