i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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