He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
