People in love make me want to vomit
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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