and you said cock pushups were impossible
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
